8. A person who has made your life hell

I would like to say that there is a specific person in my life that has made it hell or treated me like shit...BUT... it seems to have been the general conservative christian community that has caused me strife. They wish to push their views on other people even though we do not wish to have the same faith as them.

I hate putting people in stereotypical labels, and I apologize if you are one of these people but don't act like this. They take over the government like it should be ran according to their religious views. This country was founded on the idea of freedom of religion. How come the judicial system is completely intertwined in the christian bible. I don't mind you having your own opinion, but keep your opinion OUT of my life!!!

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

(7)Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Even in the deepest of darkest moments there is always one person that I can count on being there for me. My aunt is probably the most tactful person in making me feel good about myself. It always seems as though she knows just what to say in order to lift my spirits up and begin thinking good about myself again.

Everyone needs a person like this in their life that will be honest yet self-esteem building at the same time. Even though I don't always have rational thoughts and can have mental breakdowns emotional stress from time-to-time. There is always that one person that I can count on.

I think that if it weren't for her I don't know where I would be today. Sometimes I wonder if I would have torn my life apart by now if she wasn't there to protect me.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

(6) Something you hope you never have to do.

 I hope that I never have to go to prison for anything in my lifetime. Just the thought of having to go would make me cringe in fear. Thinking about all the harassment, seclusion, and flat out boredom makes me whimper. 


It was never understood to me why people would do things that cause them to go, but of course I am not them so I don't know. Especially the ones that have gone a few times in their life (cough, cough...T.I.). Ugly orange jumpsuits really aren't that flattering on a big guy such as myself. 


Although, if I did have to go, I would use the time wisely to build up a life plan to recreate a better lifestyle for myself that doesn't include returning to prison in the future. If I had that amount of free time then I would master some form of artistry or workmanship to start my own business.



Hopefully, though I would never-ever have to go there for any reason other than standing up for my own beliefs. That is the only reason that I would go proudly. Such as, if they outlawed sodomy again then I would turn myself in or if I went into the military and was thrown in jail for being out and proud. These  are things that are more heroic in nature that people are punished for believing in something that others do not.


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

(5) Something you hope to do in your life.

One thing that I REALLY hope to do in my life is more on an emotional level. "The world should be left better when we leave than when we came into it." This is something I truly take to heart and would love to accomplish by doing something that is beneficial to the LGBT community. Something that puts a stamp in history with my name on it.

Such as, one day opening a house for runaways or disowned children that have stupid parents left or were kicked out of their own home. This is one of the greatest things that a person could do to make the futures for these kids better than they could possibly imagine. 

These kids need support, love, mental and physical stability in their lives to keep them from doing harm to others or themselves. To love is something that needs to be taught, and these kids are not being taught the proper way to love themselves, much less another person.

I would hope that I would take it a lot further than just this, but you get my drift. The idea is there, but it just needs to be planned and implemented.




Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

(4) Something I forgive someone for.

Forgiving someone for doing something mean to you can be one of the greatest achievements in your life.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

--Oscar Wilde

I am going to cheat a bit and not pick one specific person, but do a blanket forgive to a group of people instead. I forgive anyone that has ever bullied a person of the GLBT community. I forgive you of your ignorance and uneducated bigoted mindset.

I forgive you for using the word "f-a-g".
I forgive you for that punch you threw at us because we were gay.
I forgive you for the giggles in the hallways.
I forgive you for causing a little boy to commit suicide.
I forgive you for spouting out words of God like we have never heard them before in our lives.
I forgive you for throwing your loveless child onto the streets for being gay.
I forgive you for not hiring that transexual because she doesn't "fit in" with the office group.
I forgive you for ignoring a child that was in need of your help.
I forgive you for condemning instead of consulting.
I forgive you for worrying about how you will "look" to your community instead of accepting others into the community.
I forgive you for being an annoyance in my life and the life of others.

I will forgive these people for the cruel things that they have done, but I will not forget. I say that today is a new start. A new beginning. A chance for them to rethink their stances and regather their thoughts.

Do not confuse forgiveness with condoning. These things are still terrible, and should never happen to anyone, but if we forgive, educate, and protest... one day... maybe one day it will stop!

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

(3) Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This one is a big topic for me to discuss. One thing that I have to forgive myself for is not being honest with myself, my friends, and my family throughout my childhood. That feeling has stuck with me that I have lied to everyone in my life that has ever loved me or cared for me in some way or another. They never got to know me as I grew up just because I kept my gay life in the closet for way too long. Even though I might have come out a little bit early compared to some people. The first people that I told were my dear grandparents that loved me unconditionally after the long lecture on what was happening to me in my life. 


The best thing that they did for me was not condemning me for what I believed in and how I felt. It was probably the hardest thing that I will ever do in my lifetime. In all honesty though it was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself. Now, I know that anyone that still wants to be around me is there because of me as a person and not because I was straight or gay.


On one hand it also seemed as though my life has more people in it after I threw open those closet doors and came out a screaming queen. People were more likely to talk to me since I am upfront and honest about who I am as a person an individual. 


The only thing is that there is still one more person in my life that I wish to tell this to, but still have not gathered the courage to let her into my life a little more. My great-grandmother is about 80ish and we have not been on speaking terms for a couple of years. I would like to tell her who I am and let her know that even though I may not be the greatest person in the world, but I am at least a caring, giving, and honest one.


"Why are you so scared to tell this one person," you may ask. The answer is not a simple one, but is best said that she is a highly judgmental person that is kind of like the cornerstone of the family tree. The rest of the family stands behind her and any decisions that she might make about a person. She is the one that tells people when they need to lose weight, when they are not making the family look good, and in my case telling a person that they are a failure at life.


But, today will be a new beginning to this. I have now acknowledged my faults in not telling this person about myself. I realize that I should not give a crap about what she might think about me as a gay man. Last but not least, I forgive myself for not telling her earlier so that she might have a chance to love understand why I am the way that I am at this time in my life.


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

(2) Something I love about myself.

Second day of “Thirty Days of Truth”! Wow, I am being consistent! Well, today is about something I love about myself. One huge characteristic trait that I feel confident about is my ability to make friends and talk to people. I have no problem talking and listening to people’s problems that might be going on in their lives.

This trait has been a blessing over the years in being accepted by people for who I am as a person. People tend to be more accepting of you lifestyle when they can relate to you more on a person-to-person basis. This way the person does not feel threatened or like they are being pushed into our lifestyle. I think that the feeling of a gay “converting” a straight man is why they tend to feel intimidated by us as a whole.

By making people more comfortable around me this trust factor is built up that stops these negative feelings. Not many people in my eyes have this same kind of ability such as I do.  Most people scare others away with their harshness or cold mindset.

Mostly I think this is due to being able to read people and their reactions to certain body language movements while talking to them. This might not be a huge thing in most people’s minds to love about myself, but to me… this is one of the greatest things to appreciate about a person’s character.

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

(1) SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF.

 It sounds slightly unusual, but when I sit down and really think about my life... I learn that I know nothing really about ME. I was searching through some of the other wonderful blogs on the 20sb.net crew, and fell upon a few that were doing this thing called "Thirty Days of Truth."
At first I was saying to myself that this sounds kind of dorky and wouldn't help me at all, but after reading the things that were brought up by these bloggers (check out Lily's... it's like stepping into her mind) it became apparent that this was more like a form of mental therapy. I am a firm believer that no matter who you might be there will be lots of relief in your life from just talking (or Typing about it). So here goes day 1!

(1) SOMETHING YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF.


Well, I have a few of these, but there is one or two that really stand-out in my mind. First I hate my lifestyle of fear. I fear pretty much everything in the world. Ok... not everything. But, kind of like a fear of success. I scare myself out of doing things just because I talk myself into thinking that I will fail. Therefor, I don't try anything much that is new or could even be remotely considered as risky. For instance, I fear this blog. What it might bring out of the deepest, darkest parts of my thoughts. What if this blog stops me from having a job in the future, because sadly sometimes companies will not hire people if they are GAY. But, as a first step of recovery from this sadistic way of destructive living, I will write on here anyways. (Even though my gramatics might be horrendous!!) I will promise to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 

One of my biggest dreams is to start my own business of some sorts and this fear completely stops me in my tracks any time I have an idea that is worth two cents. I know that I am capable of fulfilling this dream, but with this one fear it becomes hard to take more than one step outside my comfort-zone. Maybe after this 30 days there will be a change in my mindset... we can all work on this one together!

Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .

A Friendly Parade

Well, this is my new personal blog, and the most awkward part about blogging is that very first post. So, to just do an icebreaker I am going to share an essay that I wrote last quarter in my English class (that got an 'A' of course :) Here ya go:

A Friendly Parade

Remembering my first time going to the Gay Pride festivities in Piedmont Park will never be hard. Since I had only been in Georgia for a few months, I had just a few friends, no sense of the Atlanta area, and little self-esteem. Not only was I new to Georgia, but I was new to the whole out and proud gay lifestyle. Living in Tennessee for most of my youth, kept me in the dark about what homosexuals really go through on a day-to-day basis. Little did I know that a lesson was going to be taught to me as a result of attending Gay Pride. I learned no matter who you are, where you are from, or what you look like, there is always going to be someone that will not like things about you. However, there will always be a person that will readily stand at your side as a friend.

After about a month of nagging from Adam, who was the only friend that I had at the time, I decided to see first-hand what Gay Pride was all about and be a part of this grandioso festival. Saturday had finally arrived, and it came as no surprise when Adam called me saying, "Sorry dude, I got called into work, so I won't be making it to Pride after all. Make sure to go and have fun without me anyways!" Now I was even more alone than I was in the first place, but finally I dragged myself off the couch and went on without Adam at my side.

After walking a mile away from my parking spot, I sat down under a full and luscious shade tree. This tree happened to be beside the massive iron gate guarding the main entrance to the park. Moments later I heard a commotion coming around the corner. As it drew nearer I saw the people chanting as though they were at a high school pep-rally. The excitement they were showing was not of good intentions, not for me at least. I did not know it then, but this event was going to be the most horrifying and life scarring event in my young adult existence.

There was a group of about twenty or so people expressing their disapproval of my lifestyle. Most were middle aged or older except for the handful of kids that could not have been any more than ten years old. The adults were all wearing t-shirts containing embroidered sayings such as, "God hates gays," "You're going to hell," and "Repent or die." The most disturbing ones were worn by the children and read, "God hates fags!" Trying to contain the sadness at this point was like swallowing a grenade. I could not stop thinking to myself that those kids are our future teachers, politicians, and voters. For a split second, I envisioned a recurrence of the Holocaust in our future, but this time, it would be right here in our backyard.

I was sitting by myself, when suddenly one of the protesters came running in my direction. He started screaming in my face and rambling gibberish that seemed to make no sense or at least it was not any form of English. The man placed his hand on my head, and instantly I figured out that he was trying to perform a ritual that would extract the so-called demons from my soul!

After only a few confused seconds, I began to fear of the man escalating the situation into a physical brawl. Before i knew it, he clenched my arm as though he was using a pair of vice grips. I started to turn and tell the man that even though I respected his opinion, he needed to stop touching me. Little did I know that someone had already beaten me to the punch by grabbing the evangelist's arm the same way that he had grabbed mine. The man, Juanos, explained to the protester that we are all family and need to love each other. Both men began tossing words around like spears in a battle of the Romans. People were beginning to gawk at the two men as they were causing such a spectacle. The protester was not going to have one of "our kind" correcting him, because of course he was so close to God and all. While the protester was yelling the same phrases superfluously, there was no doubting that he was getting nervous with the 100 or so Pride participants gathering around and getting angrier by the second. I was not sure of it at first, but the heated conversation had come to an end with not one shred of resolve on either side. The protester finally gave up to join back with his group, which had already started making its way up the street in order to protest at the other entrance to the park.

Afterwards, Juano walked over to my side and made sure that I was all right since the rosy red cheeks on my face were catching fire from embarrassment. I told him that I was new to the area and did not know many people in the gay community. Juanos explained to me that all 100,000 people in the park that day were my friends for life. After that day, Juanos became one of my close confidants in rough times when I needed someone to talk to about my life's problems.

From then on, I have loved every Pride Festival because I finally understood the meaning behind it. The parade, booths, concerts, and lectures were not just a reason to go out and party, but a reason for the entire "family" to come together as one entity. This allows us a safe haven from slandering, persecution, and freedom from all of our worries, even if only for that one solitary weekend. Since then, I have tried to make as many friends as possible so that, if the situation ever happens to someone else, then I can help them just as Juanos had helped me that day.