(3) Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This one is a big topic for me to discuss. One thing that I have to forgive myself for is not being honest with myself, my friends, and my family throughout my childhood. That feeling has stuck with me that I have lied to everyone in my life that has ever loved me or cared for me in some way or another. They never got to know me as I grew up just because I kept my gay life in the closet for way too long. Even though I might have come out a little bit early compared to some people. The first people that I told were my dear grandparents that loved me unconditionally after the long lecture on what was happening to me in my life. 


The best thing that they did for me was not condemning me for what I believed in and how I felt. It was probably the hardest thing that I will ever do in my lifetime. In all honesty though it was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself. Now, I know that anyone that still wants to be around me is there because of me as a person and not because I was straight or gay.


On one hand it also seemed as though my life has more people in it after I threw open those closet doors and came out a screaming queen. People were more likely to talk to me since I am upfront and honest about who I am as a person an individual. 


The only thing is that there is still one more person in my life that I wish to tell this to, but still have not gathered the courage to let her into my life a little more. My great-grandmother is about 80ish and we have not been on speaking terms for a couple of years. I would like to tell her who I am and let her know that even though I may not be the greatest person in the world, but I am at least a caring, giving, and honest one.


"Why are you so scared to tell this one person," you may ask. The answer is not a simple one, but is best said that she is a highly judgmental person that is kind of like the cornerstone of the family tree. The rest of the family stands behind her and any decisions that she might make about a person. She is the one that tells people when they need to lose weight, when they are not making the family look good, and in my case telling a person that they are a failure at life.


But, today will be a new beginning to this. I have now acknowledged my faults in not telling this person about myself. I realize that I should not give a crap about what she might think about me as a gay man. Last but not least, I forgive myself for not telling her earlier so that she might have a chance to love understand why I am the way that I am at this time in my life.


Thirty Days of Truth (1) Something you hate about yourself. (2) Something you love about yourself. (3) Something you have to forgive yourself for. (4) Something you have to forgive someone for. (5) Something you hope to do in your life. (6) Something you hope you never have to do. (7) Someone who has made your life worth living for. (8) Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. (9) Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. (10) Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. (11) Something people seem to compliment you the most on. (12) Something you never get compliments on. (13) A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) (14) A hero that has let you down. (letter) (15) Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. (16) Someone or something you definitely could live without. (17) A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. (18) Your views on gay marriage. (19) What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? (20)views on drugs and alcohol. (21) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? (22) Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. (23) Something you wish you had done in your life. (24) Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) (25) The reason you believe you’re still alive today. (26) Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? (27) What’s the best thing going for you right now? (28) What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? (29) Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. (30) A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself .